Three ways to unfunk yourself
For the days when 'this too will pass' ain't cutting it.
They say you should always have an ideal reader in mind for every piece of writing you complete. I don’t know who ‘They’ are, but I’m not in the mood to be arguing with them. Especially not today.
I’m in a funk. I have been for the last few days, and though now I can feel it lifting I have to remind myself it will probably come around again, and then again, and then again. Usually the feelings hit once a month (and yes, it took me embarrassingly long to figure that out) but some months the funk hits me deeper than others.
Those times I can wonder ‘Is this the real me? Am I doomed to feel like this forever and ever?’ Until suddenly something shifts, and I realise no, those were just some tricky feelings weighing you down a little.
I imagine them as small lead weights stitched to each corner of my body’s outline, dragging my spirit, turning me inward, as if I were a parachute silk. But as I’ve gotten older, I realise I have more control than I thought over these little black stones. I now know that I can rip them off or take the scissors to them, and give myself no choice but to take flight.
That’s not to say it’s easy. Sometimes I have to mentally or physically force myself to do those things which make me feel light again. But when that sudden fizz comes I usually think: ‘Why didn’t I do this [insert number] days, hours, minutes earlier?’
So today I write this piece for myself. The self of yesterday and the self of, well, if not this time next month then perhaps the month after that. As a reminder that my feelings are not facts, and the dark ones will pass like the ecstatic ones, each gliding above me like the clouds on a timelapse video of a sunset.
Ready to rise again the next day, feeling a little more myself.
Before we start: this piece is truly written for myself - some of these may help you when you’re in a funk, and some could even make you feel worse. Please keep that in mind and know this is not one-size fits all. That said, if you are in a funk that is not lifting and having a material impact on your life, please do talk to someone. That could be a loved one, your Doctor, or other professional. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger - if you’re in the UK you can call Samaritans at any time on 116 23. If you’re in another country, here are some other resources.
1. Move your body
When I’m struggling to peel myself from the sofa/bed/floor (delete as appropriate) this is always the tactic which may feel the hardest but which I never ever regret. As much as you may resist it with every fibre of your being, often when you move your body your mind follows, and with it a new perspective.
Numerous times I’ve gone for a run feeling like I’m trudging through treacle and yet on the kilometre two felt my spirit shift. The way I can best describe it is the feeling of my true personality re-entering my body (and brain).
The science backs this feeling up: endorphins, our feel-good hormones, can start being released into your body after as little as ten minutes of exercise. And these babies don’t discriminate: moving your body can mean a 5km run if that’s your thing, but it can also be half an hour on the rollerskates, or a fifteen minute boogie around your kitchen to Shake It Off.
Personally I always find heading outside works best - not only do you get the buzz from your muscles moving but you feel the breeze on your face and soak in all the landscape around you. You might even get a smile from a stranger, or see a cute dog that pulls you out of your head and into the moment. But if in doubt (or if it’s raining) ten jumping jacks alone in your kitchen will still do you the world of good.
2. Write it out
Get the messiness out of your brain and onto a page. This isn’t just a cathartic therapeutic exercise, it can help you get some physical distance from the tumult of emotions whirling inside you by seeing them in black-and-white on the paper in front of you.
Here are a few variations that have worked for me, depending on what you’re feeling:
If you just don’t know where to start: Freehand write for twenty minutes. When I do this I often feel the emotion lift as my more irrational thoughts naturally write themselves towards a more rational outcome as the minutes pass. Sometimes doing this alone can immediately snap me out of a bad mood.
If you’re having intrusive thoughts or are in an anxiety spiral: Write down your biggest fears in plain English. Then create two columns: in the left hand one write down all supporting proof of it; then document all opposing / undermining proof. You’ll usually find the first column is a lot shorter than the second.
If you’re full of rage. Write a letter to the person, thing, part of you that you’re angry at. Go into all the detail you want about why you’re so angry and what you think about the situation. Then, crucially, DO NOT SEND THIS LETTER. If it’s to yourself don’t even keep it. I suggest burning it, ideally on the night of a full moon, but you can also email it to yourself and hide it in a folder. But if it’s for another person, don’t talk yourself into what a great idea this is and how important it is that you share. Just don’t.
If you need a confidence boost. Write a letter to a version of yourself who existed one, five, twenty years ago. Tell yourself what you have achieved, the friends you’ve made, the people you’ve loved, the places you’ve been. Get proud of yourself and write it out. Not only are you allowed to keep this kind of a letter, it’s positively encouraged.
3. Call someone who loves you enough to call you out on your crap
When we feel in a funk it can be hard to have perspective. You feel like you’ll never get out of it. You start to wonder if this is your personality. You wonder why anyone wants to hang around with you, go out with you, work with you. You feel like a big old drag.
In these cases, it can be helpful to call someone who loves you to help give you a bit of perspective and/or tough love as needed. Sometimes you do need a supportive ear, or a reminder that yes you are a nice person and yes maybe you are overthinking this one.
But let’s be real: sometimes you need someone who tells you to get on with it or, even harder, tells you that yes you did f*ck up and you need to take responsibility.
As a reformed(ish) overthinker who’s had the tendency to obsess when things go wrong, I’ve realised it’s not ideal to always call someone who will relentlessly reassure me. Whilst it feels very good in the moment, it’s a cheap fix that prevents you from figuring out your best coping strategies. It’s taken me a while to get there but now when I’m in an anxiety spiral I try to pick someone who’s firm but fair, and who will always point me to my own self-soothe go-to’s: going for a run or writing things down. Writing this post should make it easier!
Getting back to baseline
There are plenty of ways to feel ourselves again after a funk - these are just the three that I come back to time and time again.
What I love about each of them is that they’re free to do and relatively easy to execute - leaving me with no excuse not to try them.
Of course, they don’t always work, nor do I always follow through. Sometimes the sofa does win out over the sneakers, and that’s OK.
But when I do manage them, I don’t usually regret it, creating a positive feedback loop that keeps me coming back to them when times get tough again.
🫶 Thank you for reading today’s post. What are some of your hacks out of a funky mood? Let me know in the comments below.
❤️ If you liked this post please hit the heart to let me know and help others find it.
💌 And finally, if you’re not yet subscribed get on the list. It’s free and you’ll receive all future posts.
🫶🏻🥰 Love these
The title and subtitle sound enticing, but I'm still skeptical. Lemme read...